Why Is It So Hard to Enjoy Where I Am?

A few weekends ago, we took a family trip to the beach. On the way there, I started talking to my wife about taking a different route home.

“We haven’t even got to the beach and you are already thinking about the trip back,” she said.

She was right. We hadn’t arrived, and I was already thinking about leaving.

We had fun once we got there and settled in. But it was only a two-night stay, and by the second night my mind already had me on the interstate.

Would we have car trouble? How bad would the traffic be?

I hate driving. I hate the whole boring process of riding in a vehicle somewhere. My wife and I had spurts of conversation along the way, but nothing sugarcoats a long drive for me.

I knew we had a four-hour drive home the next day, and I wasn’t looking forward to it. But we were still at the beach with family. I wanted to enjoy the time we had left instead of spending it thinking about the drive.

We headed home around nine the next morning. By one that afternoon, we were back home, and it was over. Just the memories remained.

I keep thinking about what my wife said. I had gotten away with my family. We were having fun. Yet my mind kept going to something that hadn’t happened.

It happens before we even leave home

I do something similar when I think about going out with my wife.

When I was in my 30s, we would go see a movie, go out to eat, and hit the mall. I enjoyed those things. Now, when I think about going somewhere, my mind starts going through the whole process of getting there.

How long is the drive? What if we have to wait an hour for a table? Then we still have to ride home afterward.

Before we’ve gone anywhere, I’m thinking about the trouble involved.

The ride could be time to catch up with my wife. So could the wait for a table. I know that. But I have trouble getting past the process long enough to enjoy being there.

That’s why I don’t think more free time is the whole answer for me. I want more than an open afternoon or a few days away. I want to enjoy what I choose to do with that time.

The beach trip showed me that I can be somewhere I want to be and still have my mind somewhere else. If I keep doing that, there will always be another drive, another responsibility, or something coming up to think about.

I already have things I enjoy

When I talk about this, I don’t want to give the impression that I dislike everything about my life. I have plenty to appreciate, including things that happen on a regular workday.

I wake up feeling well and fix a quick breakfast before the commute. Before I leave, I kiss my wife goodbye and wish her a good day at work.

Once I get to work, I make my first cup of coffee and sip it while I look over a news site before the work begins. At lunch, I walk up the hill under the shade trees.

My wife gets home before I do. I enjoy walking through the door and seeing her face.

There are hours of work and responsibilities around those moments. Some days, things happen that need my attention whether I had other plans or not. I’m not expecting a cup of coffee or a pleasant walk to make all of that disappear.

But those are still parts of my life I enjoy. I don’t want to overlook them because I’m busy thinking about later.

That’s what bothers me about the beach trip. I wasn’t waiting for something better to happen. I was already there with my family, having fun. Even then, my thoughts kept taking me somewhere else.

What I want to do differently

I walk every day, twice a day during the week. I use those walks to talk things through with myself. This is something I’ve been trying to understand.

I can’t say I’ve figured out how to slow my thoughts down. I can say more clearly what I want: to enjoy the time I’m in without always thinking about what comes afterward.

I still need to make plans. I still have responsibilities. But when I’ve made a plan, I’d like to be able to leave it alone for a while. Thinking about the drive home all evening wasn’t helping me prepare for it. It was just keeping the drive on my mind.

That’s something I can start watching for. When I catch myself doing it, I want to look at what’s going on around me and give it some attention. I won’t always catch it. On the way to the beach, it took my wife pointing it out.

Every day doesn’t have to be a fiesta. I don’t need every outing to be special or every hour to be fun. I do want to give myself a chance to enjoy what’s already happening.

There are joys in life I am missing because my mind is on the future. I’d like to spend more of the next family trip with my family, even in my thoughts, and deal with the ride home when it’s time to go.